I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
