So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
