dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
