On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
