So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
