Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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