Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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