in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
