I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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