You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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