Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
