the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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