You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
