I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
