he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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