Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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