Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
