I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
