I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
