I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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