just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
