you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
