trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
zippers are such a cool invention
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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