Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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