I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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