So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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