How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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