You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
