it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
