so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
