I look better un-naked...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
