I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
