I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
