Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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