is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
