i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
