u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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