I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
