i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
