He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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