I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Randomize
