i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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