I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
