Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
