i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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