Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I believe in your delicious
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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