The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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