READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
