Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
