Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
