So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
