guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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